Yes, that's what I need right now. Some sleeping pills & die instantly. Crap, how selfish I am to think this way. How can I disappoint everyone around me. Please, grow up Cassy.


I'm not in a good state right now. I'm disppointed with myself. I should be that strong one, that mature one to handle everything on my own. I think too highly on myself. Maybe not getting into Level Leader let me see clearly of who & what I am. I regretted, regretted choosing this course. Regretted not studying hard for 'O' levels. This shouldn't be me. What I'm exactly good at? What are my talents? What is my FUTURE? I don't know. Who am I?


I should be old enough by now to earn my own allowance, old enough to take care of my brother, old enough to handle more then one thing at a time. I shouldn't be so "smart", be so "nosy", to join this camp, that event. Seal points reached 50 already. Yet, SO WHAT? What's the big deal? Does my results allow me to get into University? Hell no? That's impossible. However, if I can put down everything behind, leave all my friends from clubs, maybe then I can concentrate.


No no, that shouldn't be the way. If my friends can handle club, work, studies, family at one time, why can't I? This only prove that I'm immature isn't it? I'm still that little girl who doesn't know whats going on. The innocent one, the STUPID one. This shouldn't be the girl that I want to be isn't it? Maybe I should know whats my pirority long ago. Maybe from the start I should be motivated enough. Maybe, maybe, maybe. If time can turn back... DREAM ON!


Who says poly life is relaxing, not stressful. Its a pack of lies. If I'm rich enough to study overseas, if I'm rich enough to take private, if I got someone to rely on, HOW I WISH. Face the reality girl, its time to move on. Stop thinking of the past, the one whom you can rely on, teaching you all your school work when you don't know. Don't be such a dumb ass, he's already move on. Wake up, GROW up. FACE THE FACTS!


Still, if time can stop at being a baby D:


[Mood: Depress]
[Song listening: Superhuman]

Love is a wonderful gift, shared by two blessed souls.
Experiencing heaven on earth.