♥Caassssyy loves pink & dolphins!

Y Wednesday, July 30, 2008 Y

R.I.P; I miss all of you.

I'm finally back to blogging. Yet I don't know where to start. Been thinking alot recently. I didn't know what to do either.

Was lying on a single bed with my mum & sister on Thursday night. Was laughing so happily that 3 fat ass lie on one single bed when we received a call from my dad. He asked us to go down and he will fetched us to the hospital where we had a sudden emergency call from my aunt saying that granny had problems. We were all shock yet I can't do anything as I've got to stay ho9me & take care of my sleeping brother. Around an hour later, sister called and said she has went to another beautiful place to live in....

At first, I didn't really believe what I heard. Woke brother up, waiting for more news. Later at 3-4am, aunts and uncle came my place. Fall asleep awhile & the next morning, all were preparing the funeral. No, no way am I going to believe the granny whom used to stay in my house for 2 yrs, the granny whom took care of me when I'm young, the granny whom used to compare her leg & mine while we were bored, the granny whom always gave me comments on my clothings when I'm going out, had pass away... No way am I going to believe. NO!

Yet, I've still gotta face the fact, the cruel fact. I miss her, I miss her alot. The last time I saw her was on the Sunday. I didn't even go to her house early to look at her. I didn't knew-it was the last time I saw her. I saw her back, the back of her tired body. Lying on her bed and sleep. I miss her.. I really do..

So, I skipped school on Friday, Monday & Tuesday. Many relatives came. Even those whom I didn't see before. My grandfather's side. On the Tuesday, woke up early, and prepare to send her. All cried. I wish she was back with us. I just can't believe it. She left us. I didn't even have the chance to repay her. Whenever she knows that I'm broke, she would give me extra cash not telling my parents. During Secondary school days, she always woke me up early in the morning for school. That time, she already has difficulty in walking yet I'm always saying 5 more mins. Means, 5 more mins to sleep. & she just stood there. How unfilial I am. I miss you granny ):

When she was being pushed to burn, I stood there. That was when it really hits me that granny had pass away. She's gone-FOREVER. I miss her. I miss her alot ): How I wish I could just stop them, stop them from burning granny. All of us stood there, kept crying & crying. No use... I WANT HER BACK! 2 hours later, after lunch, went back to collect her bones & ash. Couldn't take it anymore. My granny, who used to be my height, the one who slept on my bed, the one who I bring her to the doctor when she's sick, the one who I always says she's beautiful, the one that cook dinner for all occasion, the one who I love the most turn into ash. Just ASH...

Why is everyone leaving me? I kept thinking this question. When those adults are planning if they should bring her back to pray or put in the temple, I went to "visit" my relatives. Down the stairs which I walk ever since I'm very young, maybe aged of 5 till now? I always walked that stairs to pray my grandmother. She pass away at a very young age, around late 40s. As I walked down. I was thinking, who should I pray first. Well, this particular year. Which is year 2008, I went down the stairs. Walked through many other people's ashes. Walked ahead to pray my granny. As I look down one step of the table, there, I saw my 3rd uncle. Whom committed suicide 2-3years back. As I pray, I told him, please, take good care of granny. She's always worrying about you. After that, I went over to the place where my grandmother's ash was. I just didn't know why, I broke down. Although I spend merely a few years with her, there's still slightly some memories. Next, I turned & I saw my great-grandmother's ash. I miss her. The last time I hugged her was this year's January & now, she's gone. I miss her, I miss everyone.

It was then I realize, life is so fragile. I've got to treasure what I have now. Especially my family. I should be a grown up, taking care of them. Not making them worry. It was then that I realize, I haven't said to them that I love them. I don't want wait until I didn't have the chance to say then I regret. So here I am, saying ...

I LOVE YOU, daddy, mummy, sister & brother.
I LOVE YOU, all my relatives.

Most importantly, I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU, 太妈，阿妈，婆婆，三叔.
R.I.P all of you. I will be a good girl, I promise ):

I've flunk my CKT quiz today. Didn't have the mood to study at all. Exams 3 weeks later.

Now I've finally seen your fake side. Thanks alot ehs?

PS: Should I let go?

Love is a wonderful gift, shared by two blessed souls.
Experiencing heaven on earth.